Being at home in the world

Growing up, I had no home. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t homeless. But I never had a “home town,” a sense of belonging anywhere in particular. As an Army brat. I learned early on that home was wherever I might be at the moment, and that my address was apt to change at a moment’s notice.

“. . . at a moment’s notice.” That’s a bit of an exaggeration, and I realize I was luckier than some. I was uprooted far less than many of my early friends. Nevertheless, throughout my life I have invariably stammered and stumbled a bit when someone asks where I am from. It wasn’t until sixth grade that I completed an entire year at the same school. I found it hard to introduce myself to new classmates and neighbors, but I finally mastered an answer to the first question — “Where are you from?” I either named the state of my birth without further comment, or I opted to claim the last state I had lived in.

Even though I was fortunate enough to spend six years in Seattle, from sixth grade through my senior year of high school, my time there was spent at three different addresses. It seems somewhat surreal now, looking back over the span of years.

If there has been one constant in my life, it has been moving. Until relatively recently, actually in 2019, I had not lived at a single address for as long as five years. That milestone passed and stretched on to a sixth anniversary. And then, shortly after, my husband and I moved once again across a state line and into a new-to-us home in an established community.

It feels right, somehow, this new address. Now, after two years here, we feel truly at home.  I have no intention of moving on. I know that may change but, for now, I am content, and I no longer hesitate when asked where I am from. I am from right here! I have come home, and I plan to stay.

That in no way means I don’t want to travel. In fact, the urge is stronger than ever, and as COVID fears are diminished, I know my husband and I will take to the roadways, the airways and the seas as often as we can.

Ask any military kid where home is, and you’re likely to be greeted either with a blank stare, or a quick laugh before launching into an explanation of where s(he) was born and where she started school, the city where he learned to drive or first kissed, and other similar trivia. Military kids mark time by events and places, or through shared experiences independent of time. That doesn’t mean we don’t make good friends. Those friendships simply are, more often than not, among those who truly understand the concept that “home” is anywhere you unpack for longer than a week.

Those of us who loved the life thought it was entirely normal rather than disruptive. Yes, we collected plenty of stuff to assure that our memories of other places and other times were kept alive. Much of my stuff has traveled with me through the years, only to remain packed away in trunks and footlockers for decades. I regret not having “grandma’s attic” somewhere, where it all might have remained, safe and undisturbed, for decades. Some of my stuff has disappeared along the way. But the memories remain.

Now, after all these years, I am determined to rid my life of all that stuff. It’s difficult, because with every box that I tote up from the basement, or bring home from an overflowing storage unit, a small piece of my former life threatens to unravel. I’m having trouble making sense of it all, and I view everything with different eyes.

Sometimes an old photograph prompts giggles, sometimes grimaces. I snort in disbelief on occasion, sinking deep into half-forgotten memories from my childhood, and reliving what I recall fondly as some of the best of times.

The good times are far more vivid than any other experiences of those growing-up years. I seldom was lonely. My early life (actually my entire life) seems an unending adventure story. Perhaps that is why I pack a bag and board a plane, book a cruise or plan a road trip so readily. It was a habit formed through necessity at an early age, and I still embrace it.

I have to laugh now, every time someone asks where I’m from. I no longer pause or stammer with an answer, but I sometimes have to turn to my husband and wink. When we launch into the explanation of how we met and where we’ve lived, our listeners think we’re “spinning a yarn,” pulling their legs with a well-rehearsed fictional story. Not so, folks — It’s all true. Truth, as is said, is often stranger than fiction.

We recently returned from an extended trip three years in the making — a cruise to the Norwegian fjords and the Arctic Circle. We had postponed the journey twice and rescheduled out of necessity due to COVID. It was a memorable experience, but it’s good to be home.

It feels right, and we look forward to being right here, at home, for the foreseeable future.

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Time Lost and the Road Ahead

It has been far too long since I boarded an airplane or walked up the gangplank to a ship. It seems like forever ago that I last hailed a cab in an unfamiliar city, or booked an excursion in a foreign land. It’s been longer than I’d like since I last threw an overnight bag in the trunk of my car for a quick trip just for the fun of it.

Don’t get me wrong. We moved to a new home in another state during the pandemic. That was an experience I had not planned. I have truly enjoyed forging a new life in a new community over the past six months. Moving from the Dallas-Fort Worth area to small-town Arkansas was the right decision at the right time, and my husband and I have no regrets. We are happy to be here.

We have made many friends, and we are busy with our new lives.

But I miss traveling.

Setting out on new journeys is not only a familiar lifestyle, it is part and parcel of my being, embedded in my DNA.

Staying put is not something I ever mastered. The old restlessness has returned in spades. Luckily, I have now had both doses of a vaccine that promises to get the world on the path to recovery from this virus and from the fear and uncertainty that have gripped us over the past year.

I know that others have dealt with far more important issues this year. I, too, grieve for the lives lost and the the lives disrupted by this terrible illness. But for a year now, as COVID-19 dominated each nightly newscast, permeated our waking hours, limited our activities, affected people’s livelihoods, and invaded the collective consciousness of the nation, it also had an effect on our well-being that had little to do with the physical pain or the threat of physical illness. It has taken an emotional and psychological toll that we are only now beginning to realize, confirm and understand. Those effects may be the most difficult to combat.

I am now quite certain that “normal” will not return — not soon, probably not ever. The melancholia I face centers around missing the sights and sounds of new places. I miss exchanging pleasantries with others who stand in line at airports to check in for flights and wait patiently at terminal kiosks to collect luggage. I even miss the cramped seats and the lack of leg room, because I know that they are only temporary, and they are the price of new adventure. I miss the the thrill of unfamiliar horizons and faraway places. I miss meeting new people and making new friends. Most of all, I miss the dreams, the expectations; the ability to pack up and leave the familiar behind at will has been a gift. I understand that. I yearn for those times to return.

I know that one day I’ll be back on the road. It will not be the same, and it’s long overdue. Because, after all is said and done, embracing the unknown is what life is all about.

I am curious about what this year has meant to others. What do you miss the most? The closeness of family, the ability to meet others and be a part of a crowd at a concert or a baseball game, the freedom to go and be and do what you wish when you wish? Or do you miss hugging your grandchildren and being with your parents, your classmates or your coworkers?

When the restrictions are eased, what is it that you will do first?

It’s time to think about the next step. Because the “new normal” will not be what normal once was for any of us.

As some restrictions are lifted, it’s now up to each of us to shape the future. Hopefully, your future will turn out the way you want it. I hope it will be good for all of us.

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Inauguration Day

How awesome it is to be an American today.

I have to admit that I have been somewhat worried over the past two weeks about how this day would dawn, and about how it would end.

I’m breathing calmly, now that dark has fallen outside my window, and with a sense of relief that the events in Washington, D.C. today unfolded as they did, that the 46th president and vice president took their oaths of office, celebrated quietly, transacted some business and are about to settle in to their new residences and get on with the governing of the country.

I am pleased also that the 45th president and his wife are now at home in Florida, surrounded by family and, hopefully, enjoying their evening as private citizens.

No matter what your political views may be, Inauguration Day has always seemed to me to be the one day that we all believe in the greatness, celebrate the history and look forward to the future of this country. Any nation that has carried on this tradition since February 1793, when George Washington was unanimously elected to serve a second term, must be doing something that its citizens find worthy of preserving.

Tonight I will sleep knowing that this country I love has once again peacefully transferred leadership to a new president. We currently have a deeply divided country, one that in many ways is similar to Washington’s young country. We, as a nation, are no stranger to dissent and political unrest. If you think the past four years, or 12, or 20 have been outside the norm, all you have to do is read your history.

But the enduring truth is that for 232 years this system has served us well, although not without some strong dissent.

I will leave the rest to the pundits and analysts, the newscasters and the history-writers, but I am proud of our country this evening, and I am heartened by the low-key handling of the events of the day.

Incoming President Biden was gracious enough to express gratitude to outgoing President Donald Trump for the traditional note left for him in the Oval Office. He declined to discuss its contents, saying it was private, which seems appropriate under the circumstances.

In November 2016, following the unexpected victory of Donald Trump over Hillary Clinton, I wrote another post. It followed another bitter campaign and another time of turmoil in this country. It was the beginning of four years of “Not my President” anger and disappointment.

I choose to repeat that post today, as we move on, with the belief that it is as pertinent now as it was then.

What to tell the children . . .

Posted on November 9, 2016 by Adrienne Cohen

What to tell the children?

I may be old-fashioned, and my answer may be simplistic.

But why is there any question about what to tell the children?

I would tell them that yesterday, our country elected a new president. Some people were for one candidate and others were for another but, in the end, the winner becomes everyone’s president.

It is not necessary to agree with everything he says, does or stands for. But, because he won fair and square by following the election procedures that have been established and by which we have elected our leaders for more than 200 years, Donald Trump IS the president-elect.

His opponent called him late last night to tell him that she understands and accepts that fact. He was gracious last night and she was the same this morning.

The current president has invited the president-elect to the White House tomorrow to talk about the orderly transition of power in the most democratic and diverse country on the face of the earth.

America’s strength is, and will continue to be that every four years we go to the polls to elect, in a more or less peaceful and civilized manner, the person who will lead us. We are blessed to not have to endure periodic coups or military takeovers. We still possess the right to disagree, to criticize, to poke fun; we are allowed to be disrespectful and overreactive – even to be nasty to one another – but why would we want to prolong that atmosphere? Innuendo and loathsome behavior ran rampant this year during an overly long campaign. I think it is time to tell the children that the time for that is over.

Be disappointed in the results, if you are, but leave aside the drama and the invective. Be sad, but be ready to move on. This is not the end of the world, nor is it the end of this country. The morning dawned and the only thing that has changed is that the campaign has ended. The potential still exists that, with a can-do attitude, a positive spirit, and the willingness to put aside the name calling, we can relearn a way to talk to one another with respect and thereby to forge understanding.

Pouting, ranting and bitterness have no place in the post-election landscape. Not if we want to demonstrate to our children the underlying strength of this nation. Telling someone that their opinion is not wanted, needed or valued only exacerbates the hurt and elevates the rancor. Telling our children anything other than the facts perpetuates our own prejudices and contributes little to our children’s understanding.

Unfortunately, as I roamed through Facebook posts this morning, I saw too many attempts — still — to silence opposing views and to inflict hurt rather than seek understanding.

We do not have to agree; we simply have to listen.

And then we have to grit our teeth and get down to business. That is what we should tell our children.

This is a great time for all of us to learn how to talk about politics, about our experiences, our hopes and dreams and visions for a better world. It’s important!

I see today as a great opportunity. And I look forward to the future of our country. Hopefully, our children will grow up with a sense of how great it is to be an American.

It is my belief that we are, always have been, and will continue to be, a great nation. All we have to do is believe it and play a part in making it so. I can’t help but wonder what the past four years would have been like had every citizen of this nation joined in welcoming Donald Trump as “our president.” Perhaps we can take a lesson from the past four years and come together to support President Biden as “our president.”

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Resolutions, regrets & new beginnings…

It happens every year. As the solstice approaches, before the new year begins, I always feel a tug of remorse for what was left undone in the current year. A long time ago, I resolved not to make resolutions; it was because I no longer wanted to feel the guilt of not keeping them. It was a vow I have not broken.

But that doesn’t mean that I can turn that calendar page from December to January without considering the things I should do differently in the new year. Last year, the dawn of a new decade was especially poignant. This year my hope is that sometime soon I can retire my mask and feel confident hugging a new friend.

As this year has progressed, it becomes increasingly important to recognize that, as individuals, we may have little control over our circumstances. The one thing I had planned for 2020 was to travel more, to new places further away, and more often. Several trips were planned, actually, and I had the dates circled on my calendar.

Although my husband and I were able to sneak in a quick five-day getaway in January, those other eagerly-awaited trips to more exotic destinations were canceled.

Not by choice.

We did, however, manage to move to a new home in another state this year, despite the unexpected restrictions mandated by a new virus.

But, if there is any good lesson to be learned from a pandemic, it is simply this:

Life goes on.

Yes, people are affected in terrible and unexpected ways. Individuals sicken and die. And, this year, the uncertainty continues. Our world, and nearly every life on the planet has been touched in inexplicable manner by a virus so tiny — and so unknown — that it has confounded top scientific minds across the globe. We also faced a political campaign that was nothing if not unusual, major storms and natural disasters in our country and on other continents, demonstrations and violent uprisings in our own nation, and a growing sense that unrest is rampant and change is the new normal.

It is confirmation, come crashing into our consciousness, that — as my grandmother might have said — “We’re not so smart, after all!”

But, life goes on.

That was confirmed in another way, quite unexpectedly, earlier this year. I received a friend request through Facebook, from a person I did not know. I am leery of accepting new friends, preferring only a small circle of social media acquaintances. But, I was intrigued when I went to her home page and recognized the family name of some of my forebears among her friends.

Yes, you guessed it; I pushed the accept button.

Then I received a personal message — from Norway — from a person whose name I had never heard, living in a place I did not know from family records. She sent a photocopy of a letter written some 72 years ago by my grandmother in Montana to her cousin in Norway. And that letter brought tears to my eyes.

The long-ago correspondence proved, once again, that across the ages, through good times and bad, life does indeed go on. People go about their business, raise families, worry about the future, and hold on to hopes, dreams and memories of the past.

I’ll share just a snippet of that letter, written December 6, 1948: 

My dear Cousin Kari,

Oh, how many times I have thought of you and asked God to bless you! I hope you are well and happy. We are, especially happy the last two years since all our boys are back from Europe, Panama, and China & India after the war closed. Glenn was the last one to come [home] July 2, 1946. They all came home without any scar or hurt but they had seen and mentally suffered a lot. Glenn was in India & China and he was as poor as a stick when he returned. Clifford was with the 8th Air Force in England and Lloyd with the Navy on a mine sweeper in Panama. I pray God will save us from having to fight the world again — but I have two little grandsons so I fear they will come in for a world fight when they reach the age.”

The letter goes on to tell of other family members in the United States and to wish everyone in Norway a “very happy Christmas.”

So, now you might ask exactly what the point of this post might be. It is simply this.

We must continue to make plans, to hold onto those hopes and dreams, to cherish family and friends, both old and new, and to treasure each moment of our lives.

Finally, we must always be open to new experiences, to finding new friends and family, and to embracing the future, no matter what it might hold.

That’s what life is all about. And no tiny virus can change that!

Life goes on.

Note: I have since added others who are somehow related to me to my list of Facebook friends and spent time trying to piece together additional branches of a family tree that has grown during the past 70 years. It will take some work, but it is fascinating and rewarding. When worldwide travel is once again authorized, I hope to plan a trip to Norway to reconnect with this branch of the family I only discovered during a worldwide pandemic that kept us all at home. What a quirk of fate that is!

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When will we learn?

I am crying for our country this morning.

I have seen my share of protests over the decades; I have witnessed horror – assassinations, riots, wars, campus uprisings and police brutality. Too many times. I remember when peaceful demonstrations in the past have turned destructive. As a people, have we all been too quick to forget the lessons we should have learned?

These widespread out-of-control demonstrations accomplish little, but I have the sense that this time the demonstrations will continue – to the point that recovery will be much more difficult, if not impossible. I hope I am wrong.

Because I love this country.

But I watched the morning newscasts with tears streaming down my cheeks, even though I had gone to sleep last night with hope that no more violence would erupt after curfews were ordered and relative calm had come to some cities around the country.

This morning, I could not help but gasp at shots of windows breaking, unrestrained looting in the darkness of night, scenes of streets filled with tear gas clouds and both police and National Guardsmen standing with weapons drawn.

I cried anew at the graffiti sprayed on churches, public buildings and shop walls all across the country, and the wanton destruction of retail stores and groceries just beginning to reopen after months of pandemic closure.

I listened carefully to the pleas of officials asking demonstrators to go home, stay home and remain safe, both from a killer virus and from the possibility of injury or death on the streets.

Too many people have already suffered and died on both fronts.

None of it makes any sense to me.

The way George Floyd died was unconscionable. The police officer who has been charged, and the three who stood by and watched must be brought to justice. The incident was horribly, terribly wrong. But what is happening now in more than 100 cities across this nation will in no way make anything right. These demonstrations, I fear, will only spark more hatred, more resentment, more discrimination, more divisiveness.

When will we learn? What can we do? Can we begin now to talk about it?

Those are the questions that haunt me this morning.

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A bit of deja vu . . .

I wrote this for a client a few years ago. When I recently came upon it in my file, it prompted memories, a bit of surprise and more than a little sadness. It was first published in an online magazine (which no longer exists) on October 10, 2014.

Beware of Men in Masks (and Hazmat Suits)

The journey of one Liberian man, in seemingly good health, to Dallas to die of Ebola has set off a firestorm of debate not only in this Texas city, but across the nation. The city today represents the epicenter of concern about infectious disease. It also is a center for debate about treatment protocols, hospital admitting procedures, care for the uninsured and for non-citizens, and about race relations, open borders and quarantine precautions.

There are more unanswered questions than there are answers now in Dallas. Dr. Tom Frieden of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) on Thursday called Ebola “a fluid and heterogeneous epidemic,” saying that in 30 years in public health he has seen nothing like it since the early days of the AIDS epidemic.

Thomas Eric Duncan traveled from Africa to Dallas the end of September. Apparently, he had no idea that he had contracted the viral disease that has killed nearly 4,000 in West Africa. Other facts are not so clear.

As unlikely as the chance may be that either has contracted the disease, two other men — one a county sheriff, one homeless — were transported to Dallas hospitals for testing by men in masks and full hazmat suits. The apartment where Duncan stayed was “sanitized” by a cleaning crew, also wearing head-to-toe protective suits and respirators, over a four-day period.

Dozens of “low risk” individuals are being monitored by health officials. Those who were in direct contact with Duncan prior to and during the early days of his illness, are in quarantine. Ambulances and vehicles used to transport the family to secure and undisclosed quarantine locations have been thoroughly sterilized.

Many in Dallas are on edge. Rumors circulate. News anchors and talk show hosts dutifully report the latest developments. Meanwhile, every headache and every bout of indigestion brings with it a passing thought: “Is there a way I could have come in contact with the Ebola virus?”

As that concern grows, fueled at least partially by some of the misinformation being circulated, sales of respirators and protective clothing are reportedly increasing around the country.

Is this the look of the future?

*Note: At the time this was written, a second diseased man was scheduled to arrive for treatment at a hospital in Omaha, Nebraska. As it turned out, only two people died from Ebola in the United States in 2014. Seven people with the disease were evacuated from other countries for treatment in the U.S., and four laboratory-confirmed infections were recorded. Nine patients recovered fully.

According to the BBC, during the 21-month period after the first case was confirmed in March of 2014, more than 28,600 people were infected, and 11,315 deaths were confirmed in six countries other than the United States: Liberia, Nigeria, Guinea, Sierra Leone and Mali.

**Update: As of December 19, 2019, more than 3,300 cases and 2,200 deaths from a new  Ebola outbreak in the Democratic Republic of the Congo (DRC) had been reported since mid-2018. The new outbreak was declared a “public health emergency of international concern” by the World Health Organization in July of 2019.

It was less than two weeks later that the first case of COVID-19 was reported in China.

Since September 2018, the U.S. Agency for International Development, the CDC, and several other government agencies, provided technical and financial support in an amount of more than $250 million for disease response in the DRC. In 2014, the U.S. led the response to the initial Ebola virus outbreak in 2014.

So the question remains: In a shrinking world with ever-increasing mobility, is this the new normal? Are more frequent outbreaks of contagious disease, with masks and stay-at-home orders the price we will all pay? Is this our introduction to the future?

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And now it’s personal . . .

Before the current Coronavirus pandemic ends, we will all be affected in ways we could not have imagined as little as a week ago. That has been brought home to me in a dozen different ways over just the past few days.

In many ways, for many of us, technology has become a lifeline. I find myself spending more time on social media than I would ever have thought possible. It helps me keep in touch with friends when I don’t really feel like talking. But it can also be a source of misinformation, false claims and skewed perceptions. Be wary.

We all cope in our own ways.

Whether your style is hibernation or virtual partying or dressing up in your Sunday best90403242_10219393911072811_7856556990493884416_o for an early-morning Walmart shopping trip, if it makes you feel better and restores your spirit, it’s okay. If such behavior prompts smiles from complete strangers, it’s even better.

Some, the braver souls among us, continue to work, out of necessity or by choice. Those who must work surely have their own fears,  but they push through them out of a sense of duty. I offer them my thanks, and pray that they remain safe and healthy.

Many are learning new ways of working from home, telecommuting, and reinventing their businesses. Others fervently hope that they’ll be in business when current restrictions are lifted.

Some of us write as a way of venting our emotions, and to record the realities of these times for those who might be interested a decade or two from now.

Saturday morning, my husband and I received word that a friend from our community lost his battle with COVID-19. He and his wife, sadly, had been quarantined in California after disembarking from a cruise aboard Grand Princess. She was ill, but recovered. I did not know him well, but somehow that made the loss even more poignant. I could not help feeling that I should have made time to get to know him (them) better. I cannot shake the feeling that they both should have been able to return home to Texas after what was, reportedly, a wonderful vacation.

But this virus does not play fair.

It is another dramatic example that health and life are fleeting, that nothing is promised to us, and that we really ought to live in a way that celebrates every moment, every experience and every relationship.

It’s harder now than it was last week, much harder than it was last month. It may not become easier for a long time. Is anyone else wishing for a more tangible lifeline? I feel as if we’ve all been set adrift on a stormy sea, with only a shaky handrail to hold on to.

Coping strategies vary greatly, from balcony concerts in Italian cities to a virtual — and unforgettable — performance by members of the Rotterdam Philharmonic Orchestra. In Germany, a similar concert took place. Beethoven’s Ode to Joy has become a theme. It is amazing.

Just listen.

And watch and listen to this.

Learning to live again.

I refuse to believe that this is the new normal, and I hope the time will come sooner, rather than later, when we can greet family and friends with hugs, when we once again celebrate life and good times in large groups and in public places.

Some resist the directives of local governments and thumb their noses, figuratively and literally, at the authorities. Some retreat silently to their homes, while others follow the recommendations under protest. Some complain bitterly; others demand greater restrictions. There are the planners, the hoarders, the blamers, the fearful and the hopeful — we are a great mix of personalities, a patchwork quilt of individuals. For now, we must all just persevere, keep calm and carry on in our own way.

There are no easy answers, and lives will never be quite the same — not for any of us.

But, still, life goes on.

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The wisdom of an older age . . .

There may be a crack in my armor, but I’m still in one piece. Truth be told, I sometimes feel as if I’m improving with age, like fine wine. I keep discovering things about myself, insights that took time to unlock, strengths that have grown over time, developed in part by the need to keep moving on when life’s little (or large) setbacks threatened to take me out for a time or even keep me down for the count.

I understand that I am fortunate to be able to say that. I understand that others have floundered and been lost encountering the same sort of setbacks and difficulties I have faced. I do not see myself as stronger than they; perhaps just luckier. Maybe it’s grit, or just old-fashioned mulishness. I also recognize that what I call trials and tribulations are, on a scale of 1-10, somewhere under 5, compared to what others have suffered.

Lessons taught, lessons learned

But I have learned some things along the way that may be helpful to others. And I have met many others who’ve shared some of their wisdom with me. I confess that most of what I’ve learned has been not in the classroom, nor even from books, but from the past and from my elders. It took a long time, but the messages passed down from previous generations have taken hold. I am now of an “older generation.” And I feel a bit wiser. For that I am grateful.

This, then, is nowhere near a formula to follow, but just some thoughts to consider. Each one of us walks a singular path. It requires balance and patience, fortitude as well as zeal, and the determination to wake up each morning and get out of bed. After each stumble, one must stand up, push on and look ahead, without getting stuck in the muck. Take that literally or figuratively — it’s good advice. It may be particularly pertinent today, as our world seems to be imploding — or exploding — all around us. There is much to be concerned about right now, and many reasons to be fearful.

Disappointment about ruined plans — travel, graduations, celebrations, even sold-out groceries and toilet paper — is minor stuff right now. Concern about global health is far more serious, both human health and economic health.

Moving forward in difficult times

Wisdom, fulfillment, knowledge, self-control, patience, serenity, acceptance: Those are worthy aspirations. And those are the things that contribute to a sense of hope. Add in a lot of hard work, a belief that the current viral spread will be contained, and a mindset that we truly are all in this together. That’s a recipe for hope, a reason to move on, and a mandate to stay strong and help one another in any way possible.

Wiser people than I have offered the way: We must change our daily habits, take extra precautions, honor the directives of local, state and national governments, support our leaders, help our neighbors, take care of our families — and wash our hands!

Oh, and yes, we ought to wear those troublesome masks!

We must strive to find ways to recover, rebuild and resume our pattern of life in a new way, a way that is kinder, more inclusive, more friendly and less confrontational.

Yes, we are all in this together.

Let’s resolve to replace despair with hope and hard work, to adopt the “can do” attitude that helped previous generations survive pandemics, depressions and wars, to cure diseases and put a crew on the moon, to explore the earth and its oceans, to discover new lands, and build new nations.

The daily experience of living continues. Let’s all try to live as well as possible, despite — or perhaps because of — today’s challenges.

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The hug felt round the world . . .

Yesterday afternoon an improbable scene unfolded in Dallas. A young woman just sentenced to 10 years in prison and the tearful teenage brother of a slain man came together in a wordless, but very public, display of shared anguish.

It was the conclusion of a highly visible and seriously contested case. In September 2018, Amber Guyger, a white Dallas police officer, shot and killed unarmed Botham Jean, a young black man who had emigrated from St. Lucia

Stunned onlookers in the suddenly-hushed courtroom openly shed tears. And, I suspect, the description of yesterday’s moment, a momentous and unexpected hug, will continue to be shared on social media for a long, long time.

Two souls united in grief, wrapped in hope, showed that humans can rise to grace and greatness even in the most horrific of circumstances. What the world witnessed in that simple embrace was redemption, the possibility of healing, and a goal worth striving for in the best, as well as the worst, of times.

Read more about the sentencing, as reported by ABC News.

The shooting had prompted angry outbursts, a threat of potential violence, and national news coverage almost from the outset. Guyger was fired from the department soon after her arrest in September 2018.

Botham Jean died while quietly eating ice cream in his own apartment. Guyger, who was returning home after a long shift, still in uniform with gear in hand, mistook Jean’s apartment for her own, and fired two shots. She testified that she acted out of fear when she believed the man she saw “in silhouette” started moving toward her.

The brief trial was disturbing on many levels; facts were cloudy, testimony was charged with emotion. The jury was sequestered for the duration. Public opinion ran high. All that was certain was that two lives were irreparably broken.

On Tuesday, there were audible shrieks when the jury, after only five hours of deliberation, returned a unanimous verdict of guilty on a charge of murder. Under Texas law, the mandatory imprisonment could range from five to 99 years. The following day, there were audible gasps when the same jury returned a sentence of 10 years for Miss Guyger, with eligibility for parole after five years. Jurors discussed the sentence for just 90 minutes.

Inside the room, according to all reports, it was quiet. However, when the sentence was read, chants of “No justice, no peace” began almost immediately in the hallway.

It was Brandt Jean’s turn to address the court. Botham’s 18-year-old brother quietly told Guyger, “I forgive you,” ” I don’t want you to go to jail,” and “I don’t wish anything bad on you.” Then, in an unexpected and virtually unprecedented move, he turned to the judge, “I don’t know if this is possible, but could I give her a hug?” Almost pleadingly, he said, “Please?”

After a pause, Judge Tammy Kemp gave her approval.

Jean and Guyger met in the middle of the courtroom. They were, at that moment, totally alone in the world. And that hug, in its simplicity and its symbolism, might become a catalyst for change for the entire world. It was that powerful.

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Dear Children:

Some days are just not like all the rest. They can be different from all others for just one person, for a family, for a whole country, and sometimes for the whole world. Days worth remembering can be happy days or they can be sad days.

Often, good things happen even on sad days.

Today, on September 11, 2001, something terrible happened in New York City. You have probably heard people say, “Never forget.” On the world’s clock 18 years ago, time stopped for some people. The details aren’t quite as important as the feelings and the memories that people have of that day. It started much like any other, with families waking up, having breakfast, and getting ready to go to work, or to school, to take a trip, or to have fun with friends.

But then it all changed — and it changed very quickly from a normal day to one that would be remembered in a very different way. In New York City, and in Washington, D.C., and in a field in Connecticut, four separate airplanes crashed, three of them into buildings filled with people. Many people in those planes and in those buildings died.

It was, and it still is, a very sad day.

Never Forget

Your parents and grandparents who lived through that day and the weeks that followed have many different reasons for wanting to remember. Some want to honor their friends and family members. Others want our country to remember, so that nothing like this will happen again. Some look at the day as a piece of history that ought to be studied. Nothing quite like it had ever happened before.

It was a sad day. But it was also a time when many strangers helped and hugged one another, and when an entire city, a whole country, and most of the world came together in shock and sadness, and almost immediately began to take steps that would prevent something similar from happening again.

If you feel like crying today as you hear some of the stories, or if you don’t understand why all adults can’t just agree that it’s over and move on, or if it makes you afraid in some secret place in your head that something bad might happen to you, know that you are not alone. Adults sometimes feel all those things too. Everyone does! 

The truth is that people sometimes act badly, and life can be cruel. But more often, when truly terrible things happen, most people react differently; they act in really good ways. They try hard to keep others safe and to make them feel better. That is exactly what happened on this day 18 years ago. Some very normal people almost became superheroes on that day.

The adults who lived through 9-11 are getting older now. But their children, and the children whose fathers or mothers, aunts and uncles, grandparents, neighbors and friends were hurt or killed on 9-11, are growing up, and they continue to help other people and to help mend the world in ways they might not have done otherwise.

That’s what we should remember. So, when you hear those words, “Never forget,” know that sadness has another side, and hope and goodness really do exist.

Always.

It’s okay to remember the sadness of 9-11, but we can all go on, working to make all tomorrows better, brighter and happier for us all.

Note:  What prompted this? I  heard this morning from my grandson’s mother that he had a “pretty emotional reaction” to a morning radio show mention of losing friends on 9-11. She also noted that her memory of that day centers on morality and resiliency, and that she would share this video with him. I’ll share it too, for anyone else who needs something inspiring and uplifting today. 

Also see: A Moment in Time, Another Year Has Passed, and September 12, the day after.

Posted in Disaster Response, Growing Up, History | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment